how not to request a song – part 21
tonight: a woman walks up and starts dancing and intentionally showing off her cleavage for about 10 seconds too long (how am i measuring what’s too long? i don’t know)
her: what’s your selection?
me: how long have you been here?
her: an hour and a half
me: so you know what i play
her: two hours…you haven’t been playing all night
me: i’ve been playing for more than the last two hours
her: can you play reggae?
her: why not?
me: i don’t really collect it
her: you don’t like reggae?
me: i like reggae, there’s just a lot of music in the world and what i collect is specific
her: can you teach me? (as she pretends to scratch above the turntable)
me: sure, if you pay me
me: people pay me to teach them to dj. i’d be happy to teach you if you want to pay me.
her: i’ll kill it. i want to play reggae. i’ll be so ill.
me: i don’t doubt it
her: i’m going to play at the illest spots, you can have a cut
me: how exactly are you going to get these gigs?
her: between my looks and skills i’ll be killing it
me: so i’m going to teach you…then get you these gigs?
her: yeah, but its going to be easy
me: i don’t even like booking myself, i have no interest booking anyone else
her: but it’s going to be so alphabetically simple. you’re gonna be like “i didn’t know it could be so easy to make money this way.”
me: maybe so but like i said, i have no interested in being a booking agent. you can pay me to teach you and keep the rest of the $ for yourself.
her: (touches record)
me: don’t touch that.
(comes back 5-10 minutes later, i’m playing melba moore’s cover of “you stepped into my life”)
her: yo, you really need to play us some reggae
me: i really don’t
her: yo, you NEED to- (i cut her off)
me: glad you have an opinion
her: my friends want to dance and you’re playing this music – they’re not 80. akon, jay-z, snoop anything?
me: you can ask anyone who comes here any week, i don’t take requests and i play what i want.
her: why? is it egotistical? do you have a girlfriend? wife? kids? are you single? if you’re single this all makes perfect sense. you’re aren’t trying to make any fuckin’ babies in here. maybe if you- (i cut her off again)
me: i’m done talking to you
her: maybe if you play some music that we would like then some ladies would want to make some fuckin’ babies with you.
her: i only came back because my friends told me to.
her: only because they said
then she sends the guy she’s with:
him: this is going to sound weird but can you play bell biv devoe “poison”?
him: …uh, ok.